Some Thoughts from Tony Hine

When I first read your book, I liked the way it was put together, the lead into the story, the traveling into the story, the meetings, the observed problems with the personalities, and part of the draw, part of the need to read the rest of the book was the thought that How on earth could somebody sort this mess out!

The solution is revealed nicely, and appears to be very simple, although I don't think it is as simple as it appears! Once it is revealed, you cannot get over the feeling, the urge to wade in somewhere and try it out yourself.

I thought you might be interested in something I have been experimenting with. I don't think it's very far away from your ideas and methods.

I have four grown up children, mostly left home, but a few problems here and there keep them around. I also have three smaller children, ages five seven and ten. Because of the age gap between the two groups I am very lucky in that I have been able to apply my parenting skills twice. This has given me the opportunity to try something different with the second group of children.

With the first group of children, I brought them up in the traditional manner, me at work every day, mum at home with the children, metering out the discipline as and when she fell necessary. If there was a major break down, then I would step in like a headmaster, and administer my authority, and on rare occasions, administer a smack or other suitable punishment. The relationship we have with these children now, is OK, it is a normal relationship, however there isn't that real level of trust and understanding we have with the second group.

However with the second group of children, I have been at home a lot, working from home, so I am around when the children get into disputes with each other. Instead of stepping in and taking control, I form them into a group, a meeting, with me as the chairperson. I get them to sit so that they are all roughly the same height, so no one has an overbearing advantage. I curb the girls tendency to use a long dialogs, (girls are much more adept at speaking) no one is allowed to raise their voice, and they are to treat each other with respect. And that's it, I just say right sort it out. If you haven't sorted it out in ten minutes then I will sort out. And if I can't get anywhere, you will all go to bed.

Sometimes it doesn't work, particularly if the reason they have fallen out with each other is because they are overtired. However you soon learn to spot this, and basically it's a case of sending them to bed. I have been trying to persuade them to identify when they are overtired and have asleep without me having to send them to bed. This has worked once or twice.

I thought this approach to disciplining my children had some similarities to your approach to sorting out problems in businesses.

Tony...